SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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