he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
No subtext here. People are naked.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
