My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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