How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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