I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
