My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
