I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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