Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
