so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
