He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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