I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
