I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
