Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
