what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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