cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
