wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
