I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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