I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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