Don't make out with my wife yet
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
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I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
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You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
how does that bad decision feel?
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