i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize