Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
