Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
