The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
