Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
