i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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