you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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