i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
