Your face is a jimmy john
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
