my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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