shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
one two three fourrrrnication!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
FUCK WHALES
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
