i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
