Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
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She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
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Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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