You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
