Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
