How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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