just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
