You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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