his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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