So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
