yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
