You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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