Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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