Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
