oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
