I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
