rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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