I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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