last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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