I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
