i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
