do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
