come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
