they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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