I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
