Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
