He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
