Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
