I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
