I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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