i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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