he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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