How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
