Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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