i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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