Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
