After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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