What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
