take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
