you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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