I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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