Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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