btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
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We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
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I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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