He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
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The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
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I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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