holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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